from Portraits of Starfleet

“You ever believe in love at first sight?  That moment when all your windows finally get blown open?  When you forget whatever the hell it was you were doing five seconds before?  When your whole body breaches out of that deep water you didn’t even know you were drowning in?  Your life suddenly expanding into infinity.  Far from these lonely nights in cow town.  Whispering in your ear that you were born to be somebody.  Well, that’s how She makes me feel.” 

from Portraits Across the Narrow Sea

“You like it?  It’s my ‘I’m gonna burn your frikken face off’ face.  Terrifies the crap out of people.  I love it!  Mummy says one day I shall be a great and terrible dragon.  Like my ancestors before me.  I’m gonna be as big as a house!  Mummy will ride me over burning fields of Westeros.  I can’t wait for the day when I can sink my fangs into barbecued Kingslayer.  Mummy is good to me.  She shall reward me.  I’m a good boy.  I’m a good boy!”    

from Portraits of the Rebellion“How fluent are you in this form of communication?”
from Portraits of Laketown“The ikkle black one, that’s Dollop son of Doldrum and the white one, he’s Galumph son of Griffle.  Closer’n me’ own family they are.  Raised em from pups.  Great trackers.  Not afraid of the water.  You can’t be around here.  The Mayor has great need of trackers in treacherous times.  These days, you can’t even trust your own neighbors anymore.  Like that Bard bloke.  Shifty one, he is.  Never liked him.  So I’m always happy to help keep an eye on him.  And two widdle noses too!  Saved me life these two.  Ever since…well, you know.  Once Dale was gone, nobody wanted to come round these parts no more.  No tourists.  No pleasure boats.  And certainly no trade.  No dwarfs, neither. Economy went straight down the latrine. [snaps fingers] Just like that.  Gone in a great puff of fire n’ smoke.  So we have to make do, don’t we?  Keep our ‘eads down.  Take care of our own.  Cherish our dogs.  Before He comes a roarin’ again.” 

from Portraits of Laketown

“The ikkle black one, that’s Dollop son of Doldrum and the white one, he’s Galumph son of Griffle.  Closer’n me’ own family they are.  Raised em from pups.  Great trackers.  Not afraid of the water.  You can’t be around here.  The Mayor has great need of trackers in treacherous times.  These days, you can’t even trust your own neighbors anymore.  Like that Bard bloke.  Shifty one, he is.  Never liked him.  So I’m always happy to help keep an eye on him.  And two widdle noses too!  Saved me life these two.  Ever since…well, you know.  Once Dale was gone, nobody wanted to come round these parts no more.  No tourists.  No pleasure boats.  And certainly no trade.  No dwarfs, neither. Economy went straight down the latrine. [snaps fingers] Just like that.  Gone in a great puff of fire n’ smoke.  So we have to make do, don’t we?  Keep our ‘eads down.  Take care of our own.  Cherish our dogs.  Before He comes a roarin’ again.” 

from Portraits of Starfleet

“I mean it’s perfectly fine.  More than fine, in fact.  I love listening.  It’s my job, but also who I am.  All their stories.  Their hopes.  Dreams.  Fears.  They come to Ten-Forward to gain some perspective.  And I hope I provide it for them.  ‘Adjusting their present course’ as Lieutenant Data likes to call it.  But this is a huge ship.  So many people.  So many voices.  So many souls.  And there’s just me.  Sure, supposedly there’s a ship’s counselor, but what good is she?  I mean really?  She’s possibly one of the most unstable people on this ship.  And that’s saying something.  Just because you can sense what people are feeling does not mean you are qualified to help them.  I do not know why they keep her around.  It’s the 24th century, you’d think we’d have more competent people running the flagship of the fleet.  But enough about that…what can I get you?”

from Portraits of the Rogue’s Gallery

“…so Lando’s been trying to take this girl out for months, and she just wasn’t having any of it.  I don’t think she’s one for capes.  Or maybe it’s the mustache.  Or the excessive gambling debts.  I dunno.  Anyway, eventually she gave in, but on the condition that me and Chewie go with them.  Lando was furious, of course.  He thought she was into me so he made me promise I wouldn’t put any of my patented Han Solo, Smuggler Extraordinaire moves on her.  We all go out to a dive on this backwater planet, I can’t even remember the name of it to tell you the truth, that’s how drunk I got.  I love me some Corellian whiskey, feels like coming home again.  So it’s like one in the morning, and she goes up to the bar droid to get more drinks and we spot this tall blonde wookie girl standing right next to her.  At this point we’re all completely sloshed, so Lando bets Chewie a couple hundred credits he won’t go up and talk to her.  So of course Chewie immediately takes him up on the offer.  And he gets shakily to his feet, knocking over his chair, and saunters over.  But instead of talking to the wookie, Lando’s girl starts talking to him.  And they just stand there for at least ten minutes until she puts her arm through his.  And she’s petting him and blushing and he’s baring his teeth and purring!  And I’m back at our table cracking up.  Lando, meanwhile, just glares at them, balling his hands into fists.  After a while, Chewie indicates the rooms upstairs behind us.  Her eyes flash and she grins.  So he escorts her towards them, but not before digging in his satchel and pulling out a few hundred credits.  On his way past us, he slams the money down on the table without a growl.  Five seconds later, he and the girl vanish behind a curtain.  Lando jumps to his feet, jaw clenched, like he was about to lunge after them.  In my drunken stupor, I pull him back down and whisper in his ear, “Calrissian, let the wookie sin.”  His face darkens, he pulls away from me, and he storms out the door.  Haven’t seen him since.”     

from Klingons of Kronos

“We’re in a band.  The Dogs of Chang.  Mostly ballads.  A few love songs.  Those can get pretty intense.  Zothran here is a revelation on the drums.  Dude just bangs the things faster than a tribble in heat.  It’s gnarly!  We’re playing at Quark’s bar on Deep Space Nine tonight.  Should be epic.  Those Bajoran girls have very attractive face ridges, if I say so myself.  We better go set up the organs.  It’s all about sex, drugs, and Q’plah, my friends!”   

from Wizards of America

“The name’s Roosevelt Huckleberry Crockett.  They call me Roose for short.  I’m supposed to be meeting Dumbledore here in a couple of ticks.  Quaint little tavern these English wizards have here, ain’t it?  I come from Texas myself.  Never been so cramped and cold in my life.  You’d think they’d figure out some spell to magic away the rain by now, wouldn’t you?”


I think they prefer the rain, actually.  It’s decidedly English. 


“It’s decidedly crazy is what it is.  Mighty depressin’.  I need sunshine and warmth and a decent goddam hamburger!  Where the hell is this ole geezer?”


What are you meeting him about?  And is that a Muggle book I spy you reading?


“It certainly is.  They may not have magical ability, but they are amazingly capable despite all that.  I admire ‘em.  I think there’s a lot Wizarding kind could learn from them.  And I think Dumbledore agrees with me.  Wizards and Witches are stuck in the past.  Mired in tradition.  And why?  Cuz that’s the way it’s always been, they say.  But maybe there’s a better way, you know?  So I plan to start a Wizarding School over in America and I thought I’d consult Dumbledore before I started.  He’s not bogged down by what has been, he’s gazing up at the stars at what could be.  And that’s what I want my school to be about.  Not yesterday, but tomorrow.  Oooh!  That’s good, I think I’ll write it down!”      

from Portraits of Agrabah

“We turn a few heads when we walk down the street, there’s no denying it.  But their stares fill me with peculiar strength.  They’re not staring at me because I’m the Princess, for once, but because Rajah is padding along beside me. I’m no longer the Sultan’s daughter in their eyes.  I’m the psychopath with the man-eating tiger.  I like that.  It means I’ll be remembered.  Beyond all the riches and power my father has.”


Is that why you are resistant to the idea of a suitor?


“Yeah.  I guess.  I mean, it probably means I’ll end up as the crazy cat lady with a palace full of tigers.  But I’m alright with that.  I won’t sacrifice my weirdness so they can fit me in a cage.  Like Rajah, I want to roam free.”

from Portraits of the Empire

“I think we definitely get a bad rap.  For your information, citizen, sharpshooting is a requirement back at the Academy.  It’s just these godawful helmets they make us wear.  Sure, they’re ‘aesthetically terrifying’ or whatever, but on the practical end of things it’d be more effective to just throw metal buckets over our heads.  But whatever.  All for the Emperor, right?”


How do you find Tatooine?


“Hot. [laughs]  Really stinking hot, man.  And the sand.  I don’t like sand.  It’s coarse and rough and irritating and it gets everywhere.  Like in your armor.  Like inside it.  I have to wash out my codpiece on the hour.  It is the worst!  The Hutts are OK, I guess.  They won’t bother us if we don’t bother them.  The locals, on the other hand, have no sense of culture or the arts whatsoever.  They’ve never even heard of opera.  It’s all pod-racing, all the time.  I mean how many times can you watch someone fly around in a circle without blowing your brains out?  The Death Sticks must help out with that.  On the bright side, the bantha milk here is pretty good.  So there’s that, I guess.”   

from Sims of Pleasant Valley“You ever get the feeling we have absolutely no control over our lives?  That somebody else is pulling the strings?”

from Portraits of Gotham’s Finest

“We didn’t sign up for this crap.  Psychopathic murderers?  Sure!  Possibly schizophrenic vigilantes?  Sign me up!  But stopping a horde of teenage girls from mobbing that poor Grayson kid?  Hell no.  They do not pay us enough.  Sure, he’s good lookin’, but c’mon people.  Calm down already!”

You’re saying you’d rather face armed felons than run security for a circus?  You can’t be serious!

“I’ve never been more serious in my life!  I thought today was gonna be easy.  A nice Saturday lie in.  Then watch the circus with the wife.  Grayson sure is a sight to behold when he goes flying through the air.  That Batty fella could take some pointers from him, you know.  But instead of all that I’m tryna hang on to my hat as adolescent hormones burst and strain all over the place.  It’s a nightmare.  The criminals will be a cakewalk after this.”     

from Portraits of Pluto

“It didn’t really help my inferiority complex, that’s for sure.  Not a ‘true planet’?  I mean, what does true really mean these days?  If being a ‘true planet’ means I have to be a great big gas bag like Jupiter, well then I don’t want to be true anymore anyway.  But ‘Dwarf planet’…couldn’t they have come up with something better?  Mini planet?  Portable planet?  Even Lap planet?  Anything but dwarf!  It makes me sound like a leathery old man with hair coming out of his ears.  Mars hasn’t stopped laughing at me for years.  It’s just embarrassing.”